Blue Theatre

Negotiating with the Dead

‘Why have you come?’
‘You wanted me to.’
‘I only thought of you today.’ 
‘Really?’ 
‘And the other day.’
‘Indeed.’ 

Silence.

‘Is it true that soldiers only found you because you spoke? They heard your voice.’
‘It is true. I called your dad. He was only a toddler trying to crawl out from the trench. Two soldiers at the end of the squad heard it.
They turned around and pushed their boots into the ground. The tips of their bayonets. The cover collapsed at my end, but the opposite end sunk deeper. It was what saved the others. His oldest sister kept him hidden. The soldiers only saw me. They dragged me out. Fired. They were young. One hardly shaving.’
‘Did it hurt?’
‘The bullets? No. It was over instantly. You don’t feel a thing. It was leaving my children that hurt. Your father especially. He was barely three and terrified. Grew up fearful.’
‘I know.’
’He did love you. Could not get it out. Did not know how to.’
‘I figured it out. Too late.’ 
‘It wasn’t too late. Time isn’t like an arrow.’
‘What is it like?’
‘A circle.’ 
‘You know I never called you my grandma. In any language. My grandma Danica. I am sorry.’
‘You couldn’t know.’
‘I’ve kept the knife.’ 
‘Toss it. The thread had been cut.’
‘Who did it?’
‘Why ask what you know.’
‘My girl. But why? Why her? She was innocent of it all. I took her away. I took us both away. So far, it touches the edge of the earth.’ 
‘She had a heart for it. Running is futile. I thought you had learned that.’
‘I have. I have learned it. And now what? What do I do with it?’
‘Pretending not to know won’t work either.’
‘I don’t pretend. I refuse. To be your witness. Speak your truth. All your truths. I will carve my own eyes out first.’
‘We shall see,’ she said.

Four tiny digits at the bottom of a computer screen flickered the midnight hour. The chorus of cicadas resumed their concerto as if stirred all at once from the deepest slumber. The stars applauded their bravery. From the highest seats of the Blue Theatre.