Farewell

Dear Medium Community,

It has been a long time since I last wrote a post. As it happened, this was not long after my book came out — a little over six months ago. For that, I don’t really have any better “excuse” than the usual one: life got in the way. And in my case, it was — and still is — some life.

To start with, after thirty-one years in New Zealand, countless joyful and sorrowful moments, I returned to my country of birth — Croatia. I purposely do not write home country, since New Zealand has been my home for some of the very best and some of the very worst moments of my life. Above all, it witnessed the birth and the untimely death of my beloved daughter. For that reason alone, it will forever hold a very special place in my heart.

Earlier this year, however, I found myself once again among the cobbled streets and ornate façades of the city I was born in — Zagreb. As long-lost friends do, my city and I met in one of those elegant cafés he has long been known for, to reminisce about our youth — when he was younger and I already in exile, because exile is a condition of the soul rather than geography.

And how beautiful we once were: I in my youthful naïveté, he in his Austro-Hungarian finery, with domes glazed in the hues of Schär and Esterházy torte, giddy with the silken footsteps of city ladies, standing by the pianos of Biedermeier furniture and curtains of faded empires. We strolled his streets and markets, where kumice once stood under red parasols and smiled behind bunches of greenery picked from their gardens that morning, while it was still dark and street lanterns winked with excitement. Oh, how he delighted in that teeming crowd, my city!

But all that was long ago — so long ago, indeed, that it made us both a little sad. And when the waiter came with the bill and complimented me, quite genuinely it must be said, on my good Croatian — having detected a foreign tinge in my voice and, having been rather recently exposed to hordes of foreigners, assumed me to be one of them — my city and I both knew that there is no such thing as a return. A new beginning, perhaps, if we are both lucky.

And yes, amidst all that, I first postponed writing a post, thinking, as one does, I’ll get to it… then postponed it again, until finally admitting to myself that my heart is no longer in it.

For better or worse, this is both a thank you for all the support and a farewell. It was fun while it lasted, and I fondly remember my very first post and how lovely it felt to read encouraging comments.

So yes — thank you, Medium community, for all the support.

My writing has always been a deeply intimate affair, a labour of love, and for that reason I will probably continue to write, either in Croatian and/or English, in semi-regular fashion on my site.

Wishing you all nothing but the best.

Thank you for reading, and for walking alongside me for a while.